High Value Targets Apprehended:
General (Retd.) Tinpot: Congratulations Mr. President, after years of dedicated and backbreaking surveillance work, with the grace of Almighty and with the help of our allies we have arrested the two most wanted criminals in the War Against Terror.
President No Clue (Jr.): Jesus alive, have you nailed Bin Laden and Zawahiri?
G: No Mr President, we have Aitazaz Ahsan and Asma Jehangir.
P: I see, who are they?
G: Aitazaz is a militant, islamist, fundamentalist, jihadist, extremist of the extreme kind. He managed to recruit a factotum, called Justice Chaudhry. They thought they were on a roll. If we had not acted promptly and decisively on 3rd of November, Aitazaz would have most of the judges in his clutches
P: Good work, Tinpot, that is why you are our major Non NATO ally, what was he up to?
G: He went to the streets, inciting large crowds of people to violence and hatred, making inflammatory speeches and shouting salacious slogans such as ‘rule of law’ ‘justice’ and ‘fundamental rights’
P: Dear me, this is totally unacceptable. He seems very a dangerous man, I hope you have got him in safe custody.
G: You bet we have. But he is not alone, he has a son who heads a sleeper cell in New York. He was posing as the speech writer for Mr Ban Ki-Moon, till my boys blew his cover.
P: Jeepers creepers. I can tell you Tinpot that I will not compromise on the security of the American people. Our enemies will try to hide in caves, law courts and black coats, but we will pursue them, we will get them and we will bring them to justice. Did you say you arrested another person?
G: Yes she is a woman called Asma Jehangir.
P: A Woman?
G: Yes, but she is more bloodthirsty than Attila the Hun or Genghis Khan. When I used some light sprinkling of white phosphorus on Lal Masjid, she came up with treasonous statements, such as ‘proportionate use of force’ and ‘non combatants’. If she and her cohorts had succeeded in their nefarious designs, we would have something bigger than 9/11 at our hands. Imagine these two in possession of our nuclear assets. We have to act with determination to thwart their plans.
P: Good Lord. You know Tinpot, when I think that I have someone like you in charge in the most dangerous nation on the planet, I sleep easy at night.
G: Thanks Mr President. I am afraid these two have recruited Mrs. Patterson and Mr Hunt to their cause of global terror. I think I am going to have to arrest them for endangering world peace.
P: Definitely, nobody can be allowed to play with American lives, not even Americans.
G: Great, I will put them in Attock in solitary confinement, with neon lights on and take their measurements for orange suits and manacles, till we can charter a plane for Gitmo.
P: Good plan and you know Tinpot, I am going to put your name forward for the Nobel Peace Prize.
